Monday, April 1, 2013

the mom i am.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what "kind" of mom I am. This all started because I was thinking about the neighbor down the street who I would call the "experiential mom"...she know absolutely everything going on around town, all the best parks, and does crafts like she owns pinterest. I told her Noah loves trucks and she said, "you should take him to the walking bridge over 101 and watch all the trucks go by". DUH?! Why didn't I think of that. 

Better yet, I do think of these things occasionally. I think about taking Noah to just sit and watch a construction site while the "shucks" move dirt around. But I don't. I am not 100% sure why, but I am pretty sure it is because that sounds like an amazing idea for all of 5 minutes. And then, let's be honest, I'll start checking Facebook and Instagram while my boy stares at a back ho. 

It's selfish. Sometimes I am a selfish mom. Take today, I am tired from a weekend of self inflicted, wine induced, pain. Sometimes I make promises to be better tomorrow, and sometimes I'm not. 

But sometimes I rock the shit (sorry, mom) out of this parenting thing. Some days we get ourselves put together before 9:30am and hit the road for days of parks, friends, classes, lunches. Some days I literally catapult myself out of a chair at a restaurant because a helicopter is taking off at the hospital across the street and I'll be damned if my boy misses that event. Some days I will leave all the action so that I can read stories and snuggle my little to bed. Some days, I make Scott do it :-). 
Silly guy entertaining us all at Kristina's birthday. More pictures to come soon.
I have blogged about balance before. I am not sure that there is a right answer in this parenting game. There are about a million articles out right now about "mommy guilt" and "doing it all". I have decided that the kind of mom I am is the one who does what works on that particular day. Depending on the day, that might mean watching Noah play in his Little Tikes car from the couch, and some days it might mean having a Little Tikes high speed derby across the house. 

I probably clean too much, and run too many errands when there are bulldozers to watch. But, if I dropped all of that, I would feel off balance and stressed out. So while I read blogs of people making incredible memories and taking their kids on incredible adventures, you might find me scrubbing avocado off the floor because walking by that little green pile even one more time could make me scream (note: I should get a dog...floor cleaning solved). And, let's be honest, these ladies are also ridiculous writers and photographers who can make a trip to the pet store seem like an amusement park.

I might not be present every single moment in Noah's life. I have guilt about this sometimes. About checking my Facebook when I should be giggling with him while he explores the rock pile for the millionth time. But, I'll tell you this, when we hit our stride, we are unstoppable. 
I must have thought about what I was going to put in his Easter basket for two weeks. I wanted it to be perfect.
It is a bit like exercise, this whole parenting thing. On the days where I commit and make a really great day, I get the "mommy high" and have a renewed energy for a repeat. But, when I get in a rut and focus too long on the to-do list and not enough on the smiling little boy at my knees, I feel, well, blah. 

Today I feel blah. I don't feel like a "bad mom". I feel like I need to do better tomorrow, yet I know that Noah is not keeping  score. It is my own personal scoreboard that is haunting me. And, you know what, I actually don't think it is such a bad thing. I like that little reminder that there are days we blow the "blahs" right out of the ballpark and days where they get the best of us. 
The really unfortunate scene at our house at noon today. In all reality, he was really happy in that truck driving around.
I am not really sure of the final message here. Just that I am working on embracing the "mom I am" and trying to infuse a few more "run like there is someone chasing me to see the man change the street lights because he has a really cool bucket truck" moments into it. They make me happy, they make Noah happy. 

Who knows, maybe we'll even find that construction site some day. Maybe. 


jec22vr said...

You're an awesome mom, just like you are... and if my future kids turn out half as amazing as noah is turning out to be, well, i'll count myself as one awesome momma! ;)

Meesh said...

I can say that after personally witnessing your parenting this weekend, not only are you an incredible mother, but you also deserve the "blah" days once in a while. I do believe that I referred to you as "supermom" on several occasions this weekend. Every super hero needs a break once in a blue moon. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are an AMAZING mother. Love you tons!

Anonymous said...

I think you are a super awesome mom too and I miss So MUCH hanging out with you :'(
Noah is the happiest boy on the block (and that includes in the competition the kids of your supermom neighbour) and you should be proud he is always smiling and invstigating and being a rockstar.
we send you lots of love from Paris where all moms pretend their kids sleep through the night at 2 weeks old and never eat nuggets or ketchup ;) ... well maybe that is true... but I can ASSURE you, they don't even remotely think about constructions sites <3
love you tons.
ps_ do you watch helicopters while you eat at tootsies or a chicken sandwich at la baguette :'(?
we miss you.

LC said...

Those internet mommies are crazy. And I'm pretty sure life isn't as perfect as it always seems for them. I often have a hard time balancing it all. Working, taking care of E, taking care of myself, my marriage, my family, my friends, my house, my dog, my errands, my schooling...well, hell, I'm exhausted just writing it all. But like you said, at the end of the day, our little boys aren't keeping score. You are the best mommy that Noah has ever had and will ever have. I like to compare myself to those girls on "Sixteen and Pregnant". We are probably doing better than them ;) If they can do it, so can we!